The first three months of your baby’s life has been given a new name in regards to how it affects the mother. The mama community as well as the medical community regard it as the 4th trimester since there are MANY changes still happening to the body. It’s weird to think that 12 weeks have passed since the early arrival of my sons. There are days where I think back and can’t believe ALL that has truly happened. I sometimes “forget” that they were not home for almost a month. I “forgot” all the different sleeping arrangements Kevin and I tried till we landed on our current one with our nighttime routine. I think my mind is making everything feel like a distant memory.
Over the past 12 weeks I’ve been blessed with a lot of help. I’ve had help from my mother, mother-in-law and the most help from my husband. I’m truly blessed to have a husband who tells me “all you have to do is ask”. He helps with the night feedings as well as the poopy diapers when he isn’t on call for work. He knows when I can’t physically go on and even though he’s tired too, he taps me on the shoulder so I can sit and collect myself. My mother has also been a HUGE blessing and to be honest I don’t know how I would last each day without her. (I lasted one week because of my mother-in-law stepped in—we still miss you helping out and cooking for us!) I try to say “thank you” every time my mom leaves for the day because between Daisy needing to “go outside” anytime the boys cried I would be a hot mess. It’s been amazing watching my sons almost double in size from their birth weights as well as see them engage with the world around them. Parenthood is no joke and parenthood of multiples is a whole other animal. However, I say to myself and to others that the universe must have thought we could handle it or else they wouldn’t be here. There are times where I’ve said they’ve “broken Mommy”. There have been many times where I feel frustrated on another level or have cried uncontrollably (this I blame on the lack of 4-5 hours of sleep). Recently I’ve been asking them (what feels like constantly) “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” The problem is, is that the last few weeks they’ve BOTH developed so much. They stopped napping and they both want attention at the same time but separately. They are twins but they are two individuals. As their mother there are times where it feels like I’m failing one or both. With two infants at once there is always one that isn’t getting all the attention they deserve and it breaks your heart as their mother. This too shall pass, as everything does. I know I can’t wait till “things get easier” but I also I know I’m going to miss them this small. I’m going to miss being able to plop them in one spot and not worry about them moving when my back is turned. I’m going to miss the sounds and I will even miss the cries. When things get too hard I try to play “All Things Must Pass” by George Harrison in my mind because I don’t think there’ll ever be a truer song about life. I also have to try and I say out loud “you can do this, you can do this” because there are some moments where it feels like I can’t.
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Ava Elise
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November 2024
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