I took the time to make sure that I put my crystals out to absorb the wonderful energy of this month's Full Moon.  It was a moon ready to give awakening energy, to help shift us forward and to help us grow.

Recently I feel as if I have been undergoing a wonderful change, a blossoming almost into the person I feel I was meant to be on this Earth--with that being said I wanted to take advantage of this spiritually awakening moon! I wanted my crystals, the ones I wear every day and the ones I have within my home to hold onto this prosperous energy.

I love that each moon brings us new things in our lives and it helps illuminate parts of ourselves.  The coincidental feelings I have felt alongside this moon brings me comfort because it solidifies my journey and it makes me feel as if the universe is giving me a thumbs up to the choices I've made this past summer during all the retrograde and eclipses. (This summer was one of highs and lows and being put outside my comfort zone!!!)  I look forward to what the universe has for me as we enter my favorite time of the year, Autumn.  Soon it will be the time of the Harvest, where we all should reflect on the fruitful endeavors of our lives.  As much as I'm excited to look forward to seeing what can be harvested I must remind myself to be here, to be in the NOW and use the energy given to keep myself grounded.

Today I had the pleasure to walk in one of my favorite places--Ramapo Reservation.  I was lucky enough to be up early, so the woods were quite, the air was cool and the lake was still. The bottom lake was so still that the reflection mirrored the tree banks and sky. It was so peaceful to gaze upon.  

"Yoga's Chitta Vritti Nirodha is Patanjali's definition of yoga . It means that yoga is the removing of the fluctuations of the mind. Yoga is the stilling of the mind until it rests in a state of total and utter tranquility, so that one experiences life as it is: as Reality."  

The stillness of the lake reminded me of a yogic analogy--the analogy that our mind is the lake, our thoughts are the wind, and our true self is the bottom of the lake.  When thoughts are still, when there is no wind, the lake is clear & still.  When the lake is still, when the mind is still, we can see the the bottom, our true self.  The goal of yoga is to keep the thoughts as quiet as possible because when your thoughts are quiet you can reflect upon your true self.  To connect to your truest self allows one to gain peace.

  My fellow yogi's have been talking about gratitude and this nature reserve is something to be grateful for.  It is such a beautiful place to escape to, and it is so wonderful because it gives people access to nature who may not have access to it every day.  I was spoiled to have these hiking trails only 10 minutes away from my childhood home.  As I walked today, I held onto my smokey quartz and tried to be present and grateful as I observed the water, the trees and the sky.

I had the pleasure to clean my quartz with the water of the mountains I call my home.  As I dipped my quartz into the water that rain from the upper lake I felt a weight lift off, and I felt energized.  All my worries and struggles were washing away and I part of my love from the reservation flowed into the water.  This process was my stillness.  This process was my intention.  My mind slowed down, and I found some inner peace today walking among my trees.

​Recently I underwent a proper Kids Yoga Training and had the opportunity to [re]learn Yoga Philosphy. During the training our Teacher showed us a mindfulness lesson she uses to teach children about kindness in their actions. It started with having a glass or bowl of water and a salt shaker. Our teacher explained that the water is a person you have some kind of relationship with: friend, family member classmate, etc. (The water represents a person because we as human beings are mostly made of water!) The lesson continues by telling the children how our actions, espeically the ones that may not be so kind is the salt. When we do things or say things that are not with the kindest intention is is exactly like when salt is added to water. It is very hard to take the salt out of the water once it dissolves into it. (If you have taken a science class you know that TECHNICALLY you could evaporate the water and have the salt left behind but then techincally if the person is the water you just evaproate a person, which in this analogy I think would be not the best idea!)

When this lesson was being showed to us my heart sank because I know that I have added salt to some of my relationships and I know that I cannot take the salt out of the water. I feel awful, and I feel sad knowing that I have added salt. Our Teacher explain how we need to explain to children that even saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t make the salt disappear from the water, the action still happened and the salt is still in the water. Knowing this my heart felt very heavy.

I started to ask myself questions about what it means to have added salt—and WHY did I let salt be added to this water? I came to the realization that it is because I have had salt added to my own water and it made me salty. We all have salt put into our own water glasses, and I believe that when salt is added or perhaps too much salt is added it can cloud our judgements. The salt is the trauma done to us by others, and trauma will affect your actions. When I started to think about life this way it helped with my own conscience, it allowed me to forgive myself so I could move forward in my life. However, it DOES NOT allow myself to condone the actions (the salt) I have put out there into glasses.

I am blessed to have had the opportunity to have been taught this simple lesson. It is so easy to say: “Don’t add salt to the water, don’t be mean to others, just be kind.” The simplest things in life can be the hardest things to do ESPECIALLY because life is TESTING YOU. Tests are meant to be challenging, remember school? Getting an A on a test took some effort.

This training made me look into my life mirror and made me address who I am, and who I want to be to others. If you have read this post and I have done you wrong, and I have added salt to our relationship, I am sincerely and deeply sorry. As I said before, I can never take that salt back, I can never undo what has been done—but what I can do is do my best to not let any more salt be added and add more water (love) to our relationship to help dilute past mistakes.

Scrying through Tarot is something that brings me comfort due to my racing mind. As someone who has anxiety I tend to see many scenarios of how the future will unfold, and many times the first couple of scenarios are not with the best outcomes. Therefore, when I'm finding myself in a situation where I feel I need an intention or I need some guidance I look to my cards.

I remember when I was little I would come down stairs to my mother at the dining room table with cards in her hand and laid out on the table. My mother would be sitting there looking at the images with a pensive look on her face. Of course being a child of questions I would go up to her and ask "What are you doing?" and my patient mother would tell me as simple as an adult could to a child that she was just looking at her cards seeing if they could answer her questions--she would hurry me along so she could have her time to study. I've been enjoying how much I took in as a child with my mother’s interests. I do not think my mother assumed I would one day get my own deck and she would receive phone calls from me trying to figure out the meanings of the cards that I would one day pull, but it seems that intuitiveness runs the in the family.

This most recent Celtic Cross reading had me diving into more in-depth symbolism of certain cards I pulled.

My heart of the matter was the 9 of pentacles--pentacles being the suit of worldly possessions and homes--which symbolizes a "happy and healthy home". I have pulled this card many, many times in past readings and it makes sense that this idea would be on my mind, because who wouldn't want a “happy, healthy home”?

The next card I pulled was the 7 of swords, a card at first look I knew it didn't have the best of meanings. This is a card I have also pulled a few times in my past, which sad to say that with its meaning of "deception and betrayal" I have experienced this card before. Of course my heart sunk a little with the idea that this card was the card that "crosses you for better or for worse"-- that this card would affect the idea of my "happy, healthy home." I needed to figure out a little bit more about this card, and luckily I found information about it. I found that this card is more of a warning than an omen. This card warns the puller that if you are deciding to be deceitful to be careful of how you may be doing it, for karma will come back around. In essence if you are trying to use a lie to better yourself think twice, even if it is a white lie. The other interpretation was to be careful of others in your life, and be mindful (again) of where a person's interests might be. With this information it started to make sense of where we are in our lives, and I felt a little better with this card being where it was, making our heart of the matter for better or for worse.

The Celtic Spread has 10 pulls, and I won't get into all of the ones I pulled but I will discuss the last card I pulled, the 5 of pentacles, in the position of "Final Outcome".

This card was a card that I have pulled a few times, and it has been in similar spots of the future in previous pulls. The meaning of this card in the shortest description is "sadness, illness" which is something no one wishes for in their final outcome (although a dear friend of mine joked with me that technically this card is everyone's final outcome, you know ''death comes to us all' haha). My heart sank (again). Was my "happy, healthy home" going to end in despair? Am I ever going to achieve my greatest wants in life? This was when I called my mother and my dear friend to discuss this card in this position. Through discussion and through research on what more does this card symbolize I found this description:

• In regard to this card being in the future placement of the reading "this is a warning from the Tarot Deck to not loose faith. The future will challenge you if the 5 of Pentacles is placed in your future position. But you can make solid choices now to be on the other side of that stained glass window. The 5 of Pentacles reminds us that life is a banquet and most poor fools are starving. Embrace the warm, joyous light that is on the other side of the window in the 5 of Pentacles. Knowing that times may be tough there is no reason to give up, in fact, you can actually work to create the joyous light depicted in the card's stained glass. This card lets you know that it is time to live your life instead of just trudging through it."​

​I realized while talking to my mother that the cards do not predict what will absolutely be--but it shows us what it CAN be--that we still have free will to make choices in the present that will affect out future.  

I learned a lot through this reading, more than I ever learned before.  I learned that I need to keep pulling cards and keep reading more about ALL the meanings behind each of them.  Lastly I learned that silver lining are true, and even when you get a card that seems like it is the worst possible one about you situation in life it is up to you, the reader, to make the most sense of it and to use it to make the best choices.

Today I pulled The Chariot: strong willed, triumphant. Everyday brings us something new to tackle. Yesterday I was meant to tackle some of my greatest fears with acceptance, and to remember to surrender to the universe because it’s a wave that we all get to ride along.

Playing with the heart and sacral sounds today. I’ve been reading how they are more intertwined than we realize. While singing “what is my life with out your love?” I ring the heart chakra bowl, and when I sing “what is my life with out you, by my side” I play the sacral bowl.

Love is found in the heart of it guides us to find the person who will fucuill our sacral needs.

​I do not think it is a just a coincidence that today 8/8 that my mother and I somehow stumbled upon the topic of numerology. It started with her just throwing out there how her Life Number is 1 and that her and my father share the same life number. Of course me being the coincidence-loving-perhaps there is more out there personality I needed to know, "What is my Life Number?" After figuring out my own life number, my mother sent me my numerology chart which has A LOT of information on it. However the one section I was drawn to was the karmic section. I know what karma means, but what I didn't know was "What are my lessons?"

Turns out that my birth name: Ava Elise Manahan has three missing numbers, 2, 6, & 7. Before my mother and I even looked at the meanings behind any I joked saying that I'm sure "patience" is going to be one of my karmic lessons. Turned out I was right! Below are the explanations from a website that I felt explained my karmic numbers well.
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Missing 2:
Diplomacy and tact are not your strong suits. You will need to work on this. Be willing to be a behind-the-scenes contributor. Learn to set goals and reach them for the sake of the accomplishment more than the accolade. You don't need to be in the spotlight all the time. Work on your ability to be a team player.
You need to start being more observant of other people's feelings. You have a tendency to plough over people. Learn to stand back and let them stretch and grow. Your successes in life will all come at the cost of you learning a thing or two about delayed gratification, patience and cooperation. You will find yourself forced to share credit on many projects, even when you are a major or nearly sole contributor.

As I mentioned previously I know I need to work on patience when it comes to the timing of things. I do not like waiting and of course at this position in my life, patience is the main thing that I have to do. I also need to remind myself more often than not that people need to be on THEIR own journeys and that we all have different paths in life. This has come up a more than once in my life and I'm hoping I am able to keep reminding myself of this till the end of my days. (I know I have already failed at this acknowledgement recently but I have been actively trying to go against my default response)
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Missing Number 6:
You have issues committing to anything. This is true of relationships but also work projects or maybe even a career. You come across as uncaring or emotionless. You need to let people see your range of emotions and be more demonstrative. You might often feel alone even if you have people around you who care about you and whom you love as well. You need to learn how to be sincere and communicate your feelings more effectively. Life will throw many opportunities to learn this lesson at you. Don't dodge them, face them.
You will learn how important it is to have friends and confidants and how fulfilling a lasting, committed relationship can be. You will learn the concepts of giving and self-sacrifice. There are few things that are more difficult to learn but also few that are of greater value.

While reading about the karmic numbers it says how if you have the number in your birth date that the lesson itself may be to a lesser degree than it usually is perceived. HOWEVER there are plenty of lessons from 6 that I know I need to work on. The idea of not being able to commit is more focused on the job front that any relationship. I am indecisive. I like change. Heck I change my hair all the time! I can't even commit to a single hair style! But when it has come to my life's work I have to be humble and say I haven't committed fully yet--I switched majors in college, after years in tradition education I've left the field, and even in part time jobs I have bounced around. With the fact that Saturn went into retrograde and with finally feeling like I've come into something that connected my ideologies with my nature I'm hoping that this karmic lesson has been learned. I know that my husband is the person who has done his best to guide me to this place as well.

After calling him with all this information my husband and I talked about how I changed my name. The numbers of your life come from your name, and when I married my husband I inherited letters I did not have before. Letters come with numbers attached to them, and his name had numbers I think compliment what I needed to grow, and root down. My life number loves the idea of stability, and I believe wholeheartedly now with all this research that my husband was more meant for me than I had ever planned.

​"You might often feel alone even if you have people around you who care about you and whom you love as well." When I first read this part of my number 6 it rang deep. When I was younger all I craved for was the idea of someone just "liking me" all I wanted was a boy to want to hold my hand and think of me more than a friend. I could never express this deep emotional need because I thought it was silly since I knew my parents loved me very very much. I think my youth I did not learn how to overcome this karmic number. I chose "friends" who were not nice to me and only made me feel more alone in the end. Part of the reason I want to write this blog post is to be vulnerable and allow my emotions to be read and seen. I've never been the best at expressing them and if I have it's been with a fiery outburst and honestly never tactful.
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Missing Number 7:
You tend to take an overly casual approach to certain things. You will find yourself forced to increase knowledge and skill in at least one specific area in your life, or perhaps even one at a time. Life may cause you to live in the same cycles until you finally “get” your lesson. You could definitely use a slightly more self-critical attitude. Sometimes you literally think you could do no wrong but the reality is that we all have flaws and defects. Learning to work through them is far more beneficial than constantly working around them.
There is more to the things that occupy your life than what you see on the surface. Learn to dig deeper, expect more and understand better

To be honest this explanation doesn't quite ring as true to me since most things in my life have been focusing on one thing at a time. I only was good at soccer, I focus more on just photography rather than other art forms, and I follow one physical practice the most, my yoga practice. However, maybe my parents helped me learned this lesson at a younger age through their own life experiences? One thing that I can take away from this explanation is the idea that I can do some wrong. That perhaps when I am at an impasse with someone in my life I need to take that step back and go "What did I do wrong?" I feel that I have gotten better at that although I'm sure people who I have had rocky relationships with probably feel differently (haha). As I write this post I will make it my duty to try and be better in the future about this part of myself.
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I will and always have enjoyed things like numerology. I like looking at my traits to see more about myself. I think the most interesting thing to think about when it comes to the Karmic Numbers is this: "When do you know if you have learned your lesson?" I know I don't know, and maybe no one else really knows either. Perhaps what we are suppose to do is when we are of an age to really utilize this information we keep it in our back pocket. We keep it there to use to reflect and acknowledge if we are sub-coming to the things we should be working on, or are we actively trying to change what we need to work on in order to keep pushing through our lessons in this world. The most important thing to take away is that we are human and as long as we are trying to do better everything and everyone in our world will benefit.