The Only Constant is Change

On Facebook I saw this post :

I started out looking for only one image, but one image doesn’t explain everything. I decided I wanted to explain these times in my life and share my story.

2011

In 2011 I was 20 years old.  I thought I was happy. Key word here is THOUGHT.  I had many happy moments but overall what I thought was making me happy was not fulfilling. Looking back it was an empty happiness.  During this time of my life I thought I had a handle on my disordered eating and thoughts, and now that I can reflect I realized I didn't. 

​The real funny thing (and I use funny loosely and in that way where you have to laugh about it)  is that when you have lost this weight and you fit into these clothes you don't forget the numbers.  I still remember that my smallest jean size was 26 in most jeans, sometimes I could fit into a 25.  I had two aeire shorts that one was a 4, the other a 2.  The fact that I was 2 made me feel SO GOOD.  I weighed around 125. One day I remember seeing that the scale read 121. I remember after reading that number I was dying to get it to be 120.  I would beat myself up at the frozen yogurt shop when I thought I had too much dairy and sugar.  I was TERRIFIED to eat full fat ranch on my salads, and I was a vegetarian/vegan not because I felt bad for the animals but because meat was "fattening". But I thought I was happy.

It was not till 2012 that I started my yoga journey.  I hope that reading this brief description of my year in 2011 that people understand me when I say yoga saved my life. Without yoga I don't know if my disordered eating and body opinion would have changed.

2015

In 2015, I had graduated college with my Visual Arts major and two kinds of teaching certifications: K-12 and yoga.  I was dating the love of my life (my husband) and was experiencing all that teaching had to offer me at the time.  At the beginning of 2015 I was teaching children in school as well as teaching my adults in my hot yoga classes.  2014 through the first half of 2015 was probably the year I was in the "best shape" of my life.  I was getting into arm balances, twists, and all the inversions.   I was teaching 4 hot classes a week, and I was feeling strong, I was feeling great!

However, due to my own poor decisions I created for my a very big hiccup in life path.  I am not going to give too much detail, but this hiccup made me have to step away from education.  I had to change career paths and pursue a job in photography in the city.  I kept trying to stay positive during this change in my life because it was a BIG change. I felt lucky because, I was able to get this job in my field.  Little did I know that it would be one of the hardest jobs for me both physically and emotionally.

The commute was over an hour, but I thought the commute would be a way to unwind.  In ways the commute was this odd meditation, but leaving at 7 to only be rushed to catch a train around 6 caused too much stress. During this summer I injured my knee which still has affected my hip openness today.  I made good friends at this city job, but I couldn't stay positive in the stressful environment. My personality is not meant for the business world.  I craved the relationships that were made in my classrooms and the joy of school. I had to give up teaching my yoga classes, and I completely lost my physical practice.  I would leave for the train at 7 and get home by 8.  We were in a studio apartment that felt like it had no room for me to roll out my mat.  I tried to squeeze in "yoga challenges" from Facebook to hold me accountable, but there was no warm up and the images were me just trying to hold on.  My mental and physical health were slipping.  One day my prayers were answered and  a private school contacted me about working with them.  It felt so perfect that I jumped at the opportunity! I was never more excited to give a resignation letter.

Once I was in the school environment again everything started to fall back into place except for my asana practice.  It wouldn't be for almost another 2 years that I would be where I was at the beginning of 2015.

At the end of 2015, my now husband proposed to me and the next chapter of our lives started..

2018

It's 2018 and we are still in Virginia!  One of the first things I tried to do this year was go blonde by myself and it ended up with me having copper to then rose gold hair. Needless to say, I am not afraid of change! Virginia is amazing and I couldn't ask for a nicer place to live.

In 2015 I had to step away from the schools unexpectedly while in 2018 I stepped away again, this time by choice.  The decision to change my career path (again) I kind of like to blame on Saturn's return. However, in all honestly I lost a very important person to me this year and with her passing it made me realize how short life is; life is so short that we need to find happiness to sustain our lives. I am blessed to be where I am and have the community around me because without it I would not have been able to say my job is being a yoga teacher & birth doula.  

This year has had it's ups and downs for me emotionally.  Every month felt like a roller-coaster sometimes.  I may have cried this year more than I have since the summer I worked in the city back in 2015.  However, the emotional highs and the lows have helped me find my spiritual journey.  Without the lows we do not learn the lessons that we need to learn in this lifetime.  I'm learning consistently this year about the idea of "Santosha" and that true happiness is tied to the present; not wanting the future, not reminiscing about the past.  My spiritual journey has paralleled with my physical practice, both are  back on track! Today I feel more aware than ever have before with my body.

I cannot wait to see where my life takes me--well actually I can! (And I will wait )