I haven't taken a yoga class since May. Last night I finally stepped into a classroom; my studio's owner taught, and she did an amazing job. I know that yoga is suppose to be about letting go of one's ego, but her dharma talk really spoke to me. It was as if she was speaking to only me and guiding me back onto my path. This summer I felt like I took a different trail to get to the top of the mountain. In general it's not a bad trail, it actually has some beautiful sights, however it wasn't the right trail for me--on this trail I injured my knee and wrist ( I really did actually injure those things) and I felt like I was catching my breath constantly as I reached for the top. I saw an old friend and student last night and I'm still thinking about his advice. He's always the best at being straight with me; I try to "fight" him and explain my side but he's always right--I need to make sure I'm happy, because I'm always in control. And I have to remember that his advice is true, it is so true because we all are in control of our own happiness even when outside forces change our circumstance. I needed him to tell me that my summer was excuses not to practice; because I knew in each moment that they were excuses too. But saying that, it's always easier to know and to say than to actually do--it's hard to get on your mat after a 12 hour day outside your home. And the commute was an excuse not to practice or feel like "I'm too tired to practice" when in reality my body and mind were too tired. I do not live life with regrets. I feel that people can't live that way for regrets feed into the negative side of life. I'm glad I experience a lifestyle that was totally different than what I was used to or even expected for myself. It allowed me to fight to come back to life I know and love. The experience allowed me to understand my yoga students on a different level. I am now where most of my students are, and when I'm ready to teach I can be empathetic to their bodies. I am happy now. But I should have always been happy because it's my job alone to ensure happiness. (I feel like I'm super contradicting today) But that being said again, from mulling over my thoughts, allowin oneself to be unhappy can be the fire needed to get one up, get one started on a path that will cultivate more happiness. "Some days are just bad days, that's all. You have to experience sadness to know happiness, and I remind myself that not every day is going to be a good day, that's just the way it is!" --Dita Von Tesse
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Ava Elise
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