enjoyed lunch and antiquing today with my love—as of late we’ve been focusing on relaxing as the weather becomes colder. We are anxiously awaiting our furbaby go join the family! We can’t wait to show her around Virginia.
0 Comments
The weather took a little longer than I wanted to break from the heat, but Virginia you are beautiful in Autumn. This autumn has been so much fun with just the two of us. It’s been so much fun going out and exploring the city.
On Facebook I saw this post : I started out looking for only one image, but one image doesn’t explain everything. I decided I wanted to explain these times in my life and share my story. 2011In 2011 I was 20 years old. I thought I was happy. Key word here is THOUGHT. I had many happy moments but overall what I thought was making me happy was not fulfilling. Looking back it was an empty happiness. During this time of my life I thought I had a handle on my disordered eating and thoughts, and now that I can reflect I realized I didn't. The real funny thing (and I use funny loosely and in that way where you have to laugh about it) is that when you have lost this weight and you fit into these clothes you don't forget the numbers. I still remember that my smallest jean size was 26 in most jeans, sometimes I could fit into a 25. I had two aeire shorts that one was a 4, the other a 2. The fact that I was 2 made me feel SO GOOD. I weighed around 125. One day I remember seeing that the scale read 121. I remember after reading that number I was dying to get it to be 120. I would beat myself up at the frozen yogurt shop when I thought I had too much dairy and sugar. I was TERRIFIED to eat full fat ranch on my salads, and I was a vegetarian/vegan not because I felt bad for the animals but because meat was "fattening". But I thought I was happy. It was not till 2012 that I started my yoga journey. I hope that reading this brief description of my year in 2011 that people understand me when I say yoga saved my life. Without yoga I don't know if my disordered eating and body opinion would have changed. 2015In 2015, I had graduated college with my Visual Arts major and two kinds of teaching certifications: K-12 and yoga. I was dating the love of my life (my husband) and was experiencing all that teaching had to offer me at the time. At the beginning of 2015 I was teaching children in school as well as teaching my adults in my hot yoga classes. 2014 through the first half of 2015 was probably the year I was in the "best shape" of my life. I was getting into arm balances, twists, and all the inversions. I was teaching 4 hot classes a week, and I was feeling strong, I was feeling great! However, due to my own poor decisions I created for my a very big hiccup in life path. I am not going to give too much detail, but this hiccup made me have to step away from education. I had to change career paths and pursue a job in photography in the city. I kept trying to stay positive during this change in my life because it was a BIG change. I felt lucky because, I was able to get this job in my field. Little did I know that it would be one of the hardest jobs for me both physically and emotionally. The commute was over an hour, but I thought the commute would be a way to unwind. In ways the commute was this odd meditation, but leaving at 7 to only be rushed to catch a train around 6 caused too much stress. During this summer I injured my knee which still has affected my hip openness today. I made good friends at this city job, but I couldn't stay positive in the stressful environment. My personality is not meant for the business world. I craved the relationships that were made in my classrooms and the joy of school. I had to give up teaching my yoga classes, and I completely lost my physical practice. I would leave for the train at 7 and get home by 8. We were in a studio apartment that felt like it had no room for me to roll out my mat. I tried to squeeze in "yoga challenges" from Facebook to hold me accountable, but there was no warm up and the images were me just trying to hold on. My mental and physical health were slipping. One day my prayers were answered and a private school contacted me about working with them. It felt so perfect that I jumped at the opportunity! I was never more excited to give a resignation letter. Once I was in the school environment again everything started to fall back into place except for my asana practice. It wouldn't be for almost another 2 years that I would be where I was at the beginning of 2015. At the end of 2015, my now husband proposed to me and the next chapter of our lives started.. 2018It's 2018 and we are still in Virginia! One of the first things I tried to do this year was go blonde by myself and it ended up with me having copper to then rose gold hair. Needless to say, I am not afraid of change! Virginia is amazing and I couldn't ask for a nicer place to live. In 2015 I had to step away from the schools unexpectedly while in 2018 I stepped away again, this time by choice. The decision to change my career path (again) I kind of like to blame on Saturn's return. However, in all honestly I lost a very important person to me this year and with her passing it made me realize how short life is; life is so short that we need to find happiness to sustain our lives. I am blessed to be where I am and have the community around me because without it I would not have been able to say my job is being a yoga teacher & birth doula. This year has had it's ups and downs for me emotionally. Every month felt like a roller-coaster sometimes. I may have cried this year more than I have since the summer I worked in the city back in 2015. However, the emotional highs and the lows have helped me find my spiritual journey. Without the lows we do not learn the lessons that we need to learn in this lifetime. I'm learning consistently this year about the idea of "Santosha" and that true happiness is tied to the present; not wanting the future, not reminiscing about the past. My spiritual journey has paralleled with my physical practice, both are back on track! Today I feel more aware than ever have before with my body. I cannot wait to see where my life takes me--well actually I can! (And I will wait )
I took the time to make sure that I put my crystals out to absorb the wonderful energy of this month's Full Moon. It was a moon ready to give awakening energy, to help shift us forward and to help us grow. Recently I feel as if I have been undergoing a wonderful change, a blossoming almost into the person I feel I was meant to be on this Earth--with that being said I wanted to take advantage of this spiritually awakening moon! I wanted my crystals, the ones I wear every day and the ones I have within my home to hold onto this prosperous energy. I love that each moon brings us new things in our lives and it helps illuminate parts of ourselves. The coincidental feelings I have felt alongside this moon brings me comfort because it solidifies my journey and it makes me feel as if the universe is giving me a thumbs up to the choices I've made this past summer during all the retrograde and eclipses. (This summer was one of highs and lows and being put outside my comfort zone!!!) I look forward to what the universe has for me as we enter my favorite time of the year, Autumn. Soon it will be the time of the Harvest, where we all should reflect on the fruitful endeavors of our lives. As much as I'm excited to look forward to seeing what can be harvested I must remind myself to be here, to be in the NOW and use the energy given to keep myself grounded.
Today I had the pleasure to walk in one of my favorite places--Ramapo Reservation. I was lucky enough to be up early, so the woods were quite, the air was cool and the lake was still. The bottom lake was so still that the reflection mirrored the tree banks and sky. It was so peaceful to gaze upon. "Yoga's Chitta Vritti Nirodha is Patanjali's definition of yoga . It means that yoga is the removing of the fluctuations of the mind. Yoga is the stilling of the mind until it rests in a state of total and utter tranquility, so that one experiences life as it is: as Reality." The stillness of the lake reminded me of a yogic analogy--the analogy that our mind is the lake, our thoughts are the wind, and our true self is the bottom of the lake. When thoughts are still, when there is no wind, the lake is clear & still. When the lake is still, when the mind is still, we can see the the bottom, our true self. The goal of yoga is to keep the thoughts as quiet as possible because when your thoughts are quiet you can reflect upon your true self. To connect to your truest self allows one to gain peace. My fellow yogi's have been talking about gratitude and this nature reserve is something to be grateful for. It is such a beautiful place to escape to, and it is so wonderful because it gives people access to nature who may not have access to it every day. I was spoiled to have these hiking trails only 10 minutes away from my childhood home. As I walked today, I held onto my smokey quartz and tried to be present and grateful as I observed the water, the trees and the sky. I had the pleasure to clean my quartz with the water of the mountains I call my home. As I dipped my quartz into the water that rain from the upper lake I felt a weight lift off, and I felt energized. All my worries and struggles were washing away and I part of my love from the reservation flowed into the water. This process was my stillness. This process was my intention. My mind slowed down, and I found some inner peace today walking among my trees. Recently I underwent a proper Kids Yoga Training and had the opportunity to [re]learn Yoga Philosphy. During the training our Teacher showed us a mindfulness lesson she uses to teach children about kindness in their actions. It started with having a glass or bowl of water and a salt shaker. Our teacher explained that the water is a person you have some kind of relationship with: friend, family member classmate, etc. (The water represents a person because we as human beings are mostly made of water!) The lesson continues by telling the children how our actions, espeically the ones that may not be so kind is the salt. When we do things or say things that are not with the kindest intention is is exactly like when salt is added to water. It is very hard to take the salt out of the water once it dissolves into it. (If you have taken a science class you know that TECHNICALLY you could evaporate the water and have the salt left behind but then techincally if the person is the water you just evaproate a person, which in this analogy I think would be not the best idea!)
When this lesson was being showed to us my heart sank because I know that I have added salt to some of my relationships and I know that I cannot take the salt out of the water. I feel awful, and I feel sad knowing that I have added salt. Our Teacher explain how we need to explain to children that even saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t make the salt disappear from the water, the action still happened and the salt is still in the water. Knowing this my heart felt very heavy. I started to ask myself questions about what it means to have added salt—and WHY did I let salt be added to this water? I came to the realization that it is because I have had salt added to my own water and it made me salty. We all have salt put into our own water glasses, and I believe that when salt is added or perhaps too much salt is added it can cloud our judgements. The salt is the trauma done to us by others, and trauma will affect your actions. When I started to think about life this way it helped with my own conscience, it allowed me to forgive myself so I could move forward in my life. However, it DOES NOT allow myself to condone the actions (the salt) I have put out there into glasses. I am blessed to have had the opportunity to have been taught this simple lesson. It is so easy to say: “Don’t add salt to the water, don’t be mean to others, just be kind.” The simplest things in life can be the hardest things to do ESPECIALLY because life is TESTING YOU. Tests are meant to be challenging, remember school? Getting an A on a test took some effort. This training made me look into my life mirror and made me address who I am, and who I want to be to others. If you have read this post and I have done you wrong, and I have added salt to our relationship, I am sincerely and deeply sorry. As I said before, I can never take that salt back, I can never undo what has been done—but what I can do is do my best to not let any more salt be added and add more water (love) to our relationship to help dilute past mistakes. Scrying through Tarot is something that brings me comfort due to my racing mind. As someone who has anxiety I tend to see many scenarios of how the future will unfold, and many times the first couple of scenarios are not with the best outcomes. Therefore, when I'm finding myself in a situation where I feel I need an intention or I need some guidance I look to my cards. I remember when I was little I would come down stairs to my mother at the dining room table with cards in her hand and laid out on the table. My mother would be sitting there looking at the images with a pensive look on her face. Of course being a child of questions I would go up to her and ask "What are you doing?" and my patient mother would tell me as simple as an adult could to a child that she was just looking at her cards seeing if they could answer her questions--she would hurry me along so she could have her time to study. I've been enjoying how much I took in as a child with my mother’s interests. I do not think my mother assumed I would one day get my own deck and she would receive phone calls from me trying to figure out the meanings of the cards that I would one day pull, but it seems that intuitiveness runs the in the family. This most recent Celtic Cross reading had me diving into more in-depth symbolism of certain cards I pulled. My heart of the matter was the 9 of pentacles--pentacles being the suit of worldly possessions and homes--which symbolizes a "happy and healthy home". I have pulled this card many, many times in past readings and it makes sense that this idea would be on my mind, because who wouldn't want a “happy, healthy home”? The next card I pulled was the 7 of swords, a card at first look I knew it didn't have the best of meanings. This is a card I have also pulled a few times in my past, which sad to say that with its meaning of "deception and betrayal" I have experienced this card before. Of course my heart sunk a little with the idea that this card was the card that "crosses you for better or for worse"-- that this card would affect the idea of my "happy, healthy home." I needed to figure out a little bit more about this card, and luckily I found information about it. I found that this card is more of a warning than an omen. This card warns the puller that if you are deciding to be deceitful to be careful of how you may be doing it, for karma will come back around. In essence if you are trying to use a lie to better yourself think twice, even if it is a white lie. The other interpretation was to be careful of others in your life, and be mindful (again) of where a person's interests might be. With this information it started to make sense of where we are in our lives, and I felt a little better with this card being where it was, making our heart of the matter for better or for worse. The Celtic Spread has 10 pulls, and I won't get into all of the ones I pulled but I will discuss the last card I pulled, the 5 of pentacles, in the position of "Final Outcome". This card was a card that I have pulled a few times, and it has been in similar spots of the future in previous pulls. The meaning of this card in the shortest description is "sadness, illness" which is something no one wishes for in their final outcome (although a dear friend of mine joked with me that technically this card is everyone's final outcome, you know ''death comes to us all' haha). My heart sank (again). Was my "happy, healthy home" going to end in despair? Am I ever going to achieve my greatest wants in life? This was when I called my mother and my dear friend to discuss this card in this position. Through discussion and through research on what more does this card symbolize I found this description:
I realized while talking to my mother that the cards do not predict what will absolutely be--but it shows us what it CAN be--that we still have free will to make choices in the present that will affect out future. I learned a lot through this reading, more than I ever learned before. I learned that I need to keep pulling cards and keep reading more about ALL the meanings behind each of them. Lastly I learned that silver lining are true, and even when you get a card that seems like it is the worst possible one about you situation in life it is up to you, the reader, to make the most sense of it and to use it to make the best choices. Today I pulled The Chariot: strong willed, triumphant. Everyday brings us something new to tackle. Yesterday I was meant to tackle some of my greatest fears with acceptance, and to remember to surrender to the universe because it’s a wave that we all get to ride along.
Playing with the heart and sacral sounds today. I’ve been reading how they are more intertwined than we realize. While singing “what is my life with out your love?” I ring the heart chakra bowl, and when I sing “what is my life with out you, by my side” I play the sacral bowl.
Love is found in the heart of it guides us to find the person who will fucuill our sacral needs. karmic: denoting good or bad luck, viewed as resulting from one's actions. |
Ava Elise
Archives
April 2024
Categories |